rax: (vulpix is not pleased)
[personal profile] rax
If you don't care about Readercon, you can safely ignore this post. If you're not sure if you care, Readercon is a small books-focused convention held in the Boston area that I used to attend and spent a year on the committee for. They are currently getting a lot of negative publicity because of a sexual harassment case that they chose to violate their policy in handling. You can read their statement here and the comments have most of the context. If you want more context, there's plenty out there on the Internet; you can start from this great summary.

A few of my friends and a bunch of strangers have been posting about how this makes them unwilling to attend, or deeply conflicted about attending, Readercon. I've felt that way for multiple years at this point, but haven't said anything publically, both because I didn't want to start drama and because it just felt like too much to actually talk about this shit. I think it's important to bring this up now, not because the sexual harassment and safety issues aren't more important --- they are --- but because I know some of you are on the fence about attending Readercon, especially a Readercon organized by the current board. I am telling you this story because I want you to get off the fence, and not attend a Readercon organized by the current board.

And here is why:

I think it was 2006 when I first attended Readercon, tagging along with Cassandra, and met a bunch of people with whom I am still friends/friendly. I wasn't a reader of speculative fiction barely at all, but I found the discussions exciting and the people exciting and really I had a basically great time. If anything I was nervous at how unmoored in a productive way I was around these people --- I didn't know any of the books they had read, and I was thrown into this exciting and intimidating new world of stuff. I started reading science fiction! This was largely not a thing I had done since I was quite young, and at the time I didn't much care for it.

The next couple of years I attended the con I also had a great time. There were some issues with the con even then --- issues of privilege, issues of access, issues of elitism --- but they didn't affect me so much, and I also think they weren't quite as bad as they got later? But overall I had a great time, and it was a thing I looked forward to every summer. You can probably even go back and look at old LJ entries of my writing up panels if you care to --- I didn't agree with everything everyone said and was sometimes upset but ultimately found it awesome.

Then there was 2009's con. I was invited to participate as a "pro" --- that is, get free attendance, sit on panels, contribute to the program book --- and was on two panels and gave a solo talk for an hour. I'm not a professional writer, which most people who are "pro" at Readercon are. [0] What I am --- sort of --- is a professional academic, and as they had been criticized in past years for having too many older cis straight white guys, bringing in a younger trans queer white woman (how I identified at the time) was politic. I also was doing a bunch of work at the time on apocalyptic fiction, and one guest of honor's recently published work was an apocalyptic piece of sorts, and I had done detailed reading of it. So it was a good fit. I think I did reasonably well at it --- I'd do better now, but if that weren't true I'd be unhappy --- and I was really excited to contribute to making the con a more awesome time, since it had been awesome for me in the past.

Immediately after the con there was a pretty major fight about whether or not this upcoming con would be "your father's Readercon," and some folks who came forward about racism/sexism/ablism at the con. The con organizers, online, complained about how they were doing what they could with the peple who were participating, and that if people wanted the con to be different, they should step up and participate. Being one of those idealistic people who takes that sort of thing seriously, I did --- I joined the con committee, started participating in the program committee, and took on secretarial duties: attending meetings, taking minutes, that sort of thing. I'm not sure what if any confidentiality policy I agreed to when I joined, because I deleted my email archives about this when I left and couldn't stop re-reading them in anger, so I will be vaguer than I would like in some places here, and not talk about some of the instances of explicit racism/sexism/&c. I observed when in committee meetings. What I do feel comfortable talking about is my own emotional experience, and what other people said to me directly, and that was bad.

Looking at old notes, I find things like this: "Seriously the first four committee meetings had someone making fun of a different minority group they apparently didn't realize I was part of." One of the major issues that we argued about back and forth was providing a gender-neutral restroom at the hotel. This was brought up as something "some weirdo" (or "some crazy person" or some such dismissive term) brought up on the website, and people laughed at it. I had to say "the person who submitted that is my fiancee, and that's also something I want." [1] They still dug in about how stupid it was! It took like six months of meetings to convince them to put a note in the program book that while the hotel only had two restrooms and they wouldn't let us remove the gender markers, there was a single-occupancy restroom in the con suite that was available to anyone regardless of gender/identity, and all of the arguments against it felt belittling and uncomfortable.

There was a bunch of privileged shit going down in committee meetings. Everyone told me that it would be bad and I said "It can't possibly be that bad, if I sit down at the table with these folks, I'm sure I will see where they are coming from." It wasn't that bad; it was worse. Honestly, if there's anything good I got from the experience, it was realizing that some of the shit I was thinking and suggesting was busted based on arguments I got into with the program committee. There were also some really cool people involved, and I certainly wasn't the only one dealing with this kind of issue. Some of those people are still there, and I am sure they are a big part of why it's still such a fun con for a lot of my friends to attend.

The thing that broke me was when something really busted happened in a meeting, and I talked to the person who ran the meetings (a current board member), and said "hey, I want to talk about this, I know that you don't want to do it at the end of this meeting when everyone is already tense and wants to go home, can we put it on the next meeting's agenda?" They said yes, and that I was right to bring it up, and we'd get it on the agenda, and they'd have my back in trying to have a reasonable discussion about it. Awesome! Except at that meeting, they denied that I'd done that and then admitted they had but said we shouldn't discuss it anyway, I didn't get any support, and the meeting ended with another board member all up in my face about how I was being mean to them and they weren't a bigot because they had trans friends. Literally! They told me they had trans friends! I was in shock, and basically just left at that point. The board member who got all up in my face ragequit the con, and then after people sent supportive emails ignoring what they had done wrong, they unragequit and resumed control. [2] I then resigned. The other board member called me up and attempted to convince me to come back, but I had already made my decision, and I'm glad I did.

I asked to be removed from the list of people involved in running the con. They told me they would if that's what I wanted, and that they wanted me to continue to come back as a pro to be on panels. What actually came of this:
  • My name was on the con and program committee listings in the con book.
  • I was never invited back, as a pro or otherwise.
  • The cherry to top the shit icing: THEY TOOK THE LANGUAGE ABOUT GENDER-NEUTRAL BATHROOMS BACK OUT OF THE CON BOOK ONCE I WASN'T THERE TO COMPLAIN.
None of this is the end of the world. And indeed, particularly for people who don't know me who got linked to this post or saw it on a friends of friends page or what have you, this is far less important and far less of a good reason to avoid Readercon or call for new management than the busted decison about Rene Walling. But it's pretty bad, and it's another piece of evidence that these people have been consistently bad about making con space safe and supportive, not just bad in this instance. (There are other pieces of evidence that make this decision woefully unsurprising, but they aren't my stories to tell, and this one is.) The board members are not (necessarily) bad people, nor were they wholly bad to me. In some cases they invited me into their homes, prepared food that I could eat (to me more than a small kindness), and performed various kind and generous acts to me and to others while I interacted with them. At least one was genuinely remorseful about the way my time in the concom went down. But just as a harasser's remorse does not mean they should be welcome to a con at which they've harassed others, a board member's remorse does not mean they should be encouraged to serve the con despite a series of bad and harmful decisions. Even if the Readercon board changes their decision about Walling, they should step down and allow themselves to be replaced by a new set of concomm members. For many, it's been a wonderful con to attend. A new board and new directions would help it continue to be so and hopefully expand the set of people who could safely enjoy and participate in discussions there. Certainly, right now, it doesn't include me.

If nothing else, it feels really good to get this off my chest. If you've been wondering why you haven't seen me at Readercon in years? This is why.


[0] I've never had fiction or poetry published; I have a handful of rejection letters, but for the most part studying writing for a number of years taught me that other people were better at it than I was, and that that was okay.

[1] Friends I've made in the last couple of years: Yes, I was engaged for a long time. Long story. Not this story. Please ask about it some other time.

[2] One or two of them might have been supportive emails that didn't ignore that the person had done things wrong. That would have been entirely possible, and even called for. I do not have them to go and check; this is more about my emotional response, anyway.
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(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 12:30 am (UTC)
ranyart: (a good girl)
From: [personal profile] ranyart
Ugh indeed. I appreciate being able to hear about your experience with the con board even though it sounds pretty unpleasant. I shouldn't be so surprised by people being jerks about bathrooms, but wow. That's ridiculous.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 01:04 am (UTC)
coffeeandink: (Default)
From: [personal profile] coffeeandink
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. Is it okay to link to this?

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Date: 2012-07-31 03:17 pm (UTC)
lhexa: (overcoming bad taste)
From: [personal profile] lhexa
Science fiction has been an Old Boy's Club for a very long time now. I mean, its aficionados still claim that Isaac Asimov was a great author, then turn around and bash Ayn Rand, when the latter is a female doppelganger of the former. But hey, Asimov pushed his bullshit during the War, so he gets away with it. With some rare and wonderful exceptions (Cherryh, LeGuin, Dick, Bradbury, Norton and Herbert come to mind), the way to get ahead in sci-fi is to know the right people.

*growls* Or stalk the right people, I should say. So, yeah, venting aside, I've got your back on this particular conflict, even if I'm largely indifferent to the gendered aspect of that fandom's perpetual incest.
Edited Date: 2012-07-31 03:34 pm (UTC)

Science Fiction Trivia

Date: 2012-07-31 05:41 pm (UTC)
lhexa: (overcoming bad taste)
From: [personal profile] lhexa
Oh, and here's a fun little story. My advisor once met Asimov, and thought that he was an overbearing jerk whose explanation of all human behavior was "people are stupid," that exact statement being delivered as though it were a punchline to the world's most clever joke. And if a physicist thinks that you're a jerk, you are truly a prince among assholes.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 07:51 pm (UTC)
contrarywise: Glowing green trees along a road (Default)
From: [personal profile] contrarywise
First, I'm really sorry you had to deal with all that. Thank you for sharing your story. As a mere con attendee, I was not aware of transphobia among the concomm at Readercon before, but now that I know, I am even less likely to attend the con again in the future than I already was. Also, my sincere thanks for trying to establish at least one gender-neutral restroom space at the con, and to have it pointed out in the program. There are times when multi-stall, gendered public restrooms are not comfortable places even if one is cisgendered, and it would have been good for all con attendees to know there was another option.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 09:52 pm (UTC)
dharma_slut: They call me Mister CottonTail (Default)
From: [personal profile] dharma_slut
That kind of insularity and elitism is a pretty good indication of the process by which Walling got himself mostly exonerated.

(here via coffeeandink)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-08-01 03:05 pm (UTC)
chaiya: Photo of me under the Japanese maple tree in our yard (spring tree serenity)
From: [personal profile] chaiya
As I wrote elsewhere, I am so sorry about your experiences of the concom, and Readercon in general. Feeling unvalued and experiencing the situations described sounds terrible, and I'm very sorry to hear about it. I can only apologize and hope that we've done better since. I'm sorry the group as a whole didn't do better at the time.

This year was my first year on Readercon staff, and I was made chair, so I think there's some evidence to suggest things have been changing. This is not the space for me to talk about why and how I think this year's concom was different, but at some point, I do hope to be able to do so.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-30 11:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] laura47.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thank you for posting this.

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Date: 2012-07-31 12:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spacehawk.livejournal.com
Yes, thank you for posting this.

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Date: 2012-07-31 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sairaali.livejournal.com
*support* I hope this ends up productive also. I'm also really sorry both that you dealt with that hostile environment in the first place and that recent events have prompted you to put this out there.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 01:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frotz.livejournal.com
Thanks for posting this; I had indeed been wondering, though what with all else that changed with the 2010 convention and events leading up to it I'd never gotten around to asking.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 01:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nojojojo.livejournal.com
Wow. A lot of this mirrors my own experiences on the Readercon concom (about 2003-5 or 6), but yours were worse. I got roped into Readercon's concom because a member caught me sitting outside at my first Readercon, griping to a friend about all the things that made me feel unwelcome. She challenged me to change the con if I really didn't like it, so I decided to try. But when I joined and tried to very delicately (my first mistake, I guess; I always default to niceness) ask for any number of things that I felt would make the con more accessible than it was at the time (being basically "older white male lit crit geeks con"), I experienced the same derision and resistance that you describe. I suggested things that would open up the con to people who engaged with reading in different ways, and to people of different demographics. Frex: a Readercon book club for people who didn't know Derrida from a hole in the ground and probably didn't want to; a series of kids' panels so that a) children could engage with their own love of reading, and b) more people with children (esp. women) would feel comfortable coming; and c) a lending-library of recommended lit crit books so that those who did want to know Derrida could learn more without shelling out for a PhD's worth of books; d) a shuttle from South Station to make Readercon more accessible to people without cars; and so on. Didn't even broach the subject of the con's whiteness or grayness; "Small steps," I thought. But all of this got shot down, sometimes with hemming and hawing -- and on occasion several members of the board told me point-blank that they didn't want the con to be more accessible. There was some crap about demanding that people engage with books at a high level of quality discourse, something something whatever, essentially "Yeah it's elitist and we like it that way so STFU." So gradually I stopped attending committee meetings without consciously deciding to quit -- I just found them an unpleasant waste of my time and it was easy to find better things to do with my Friday nights. Then when I moved to NYC in 2007 I stopped attending. Didn't make a stink about it because my feelings toward the con had pretty much resolved into apathy; it wasn't even worth trying to talk to them about it. If they really wanted Readercon to stay as it was until the con died of rigid decrepitude, fine; in the meantime I attended other cons that I liked better. Pretty much resumed only because Rose Fox took over programming, and because Eric Van stepped down after the "your father's Readercon" debacle. I hoped these were real signs of change. But while there have been some steps forward, their treatment of their own harassment policy is one whopping huge leap back.

I can't imagine trying to do this with any sense of personal engagement, or while watching people I cared about be hurt by the con runners' attitudes. Sorry you had to go through that.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 01:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rose-lemberg.livejournal.com
Thank you for speaking about this.

Edited Date: 2012-07-31 01:40 am (UTC)

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Date: 2012-07-31 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rose-lemberg.livejournal.com
Thank you for this. I am very sorry this happened.

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Date: 2012-07-31 01:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] glvalentine.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry and angry that this happened to you. I really hope for a removal of the current Board and the institution of a Board of people dedicated to making Readercon a safe and inclusive space.

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Date: 2012-07-31 01:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaberett.livejournal.com
Thank you for speaking about this.

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Date: 2012-07-31 01:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] faerieboots.livejournal.com
I was hoping that you would post about this--I'm glad to see that you did. Thank you for posting.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 02:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rimrunner.livejournal.com
Here via [livejournal.com profile] rose_lemberg. Thank you for posting this. I was already pretty much off the fence on the "no" side, anyway, but I think this is important.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 02:19 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] sethg
Dang. Cons were one of those things I hope to become more involved with as I have more time and money, and as someone who doesn’t consume much visual media, Readercon looked like an attractive con. Apparently not, though.

How about Arisia? I was looking forward to taking my ten-year-old geekling there in January....

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rax.livejournal.com
I only went to Arisia once, in 2000. I didn't have a great time, but I was sort of overwhelmed by the whole thing as I went alone without knowing what I was getting into, and the bad things that happened to me were funny, not awful. Other people seem to enjoy it. :)

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Date: 2012-07-31 02:21 am (UTC)
kelkyag: eye-shaped patterns on birch trunk (birch eyes)
From: [personal profile] kelkyag
Would pointing someone to your writeup of your experiences be appropriate? Someone I know offered up an open thread for Readercon commentary, and I don't know if that's someone you have issue with or not.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 04:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rax.livejournal.com
This post is public and you can link to it. Thanks for asking.

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(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 02:22 am (UTC)
rosefox: Green books on library shelves. (Default)
From: [personal profile] rosefox
I was never invited back, as a pro or otherwise.

Hi Rachel,

I remain deeply dismayed by how you were treated by many members of the committee, and I apologize for not doing more to speak up and support you for the incidents I was there for and aware of.

I don't think I was aware of the conversation about you being a program participant, but as the current program chair, I'd be happy to put you back on the invitation list if you want to be on it.

I'm dismayed that the gender-neutral bathroom language didn't make it into later editions of the program book, since that's something I also care a lot about (as a genderqueer person who feels uncomfortable in explicitly gendered spaces). I meant to check on that this year and failed to do so in the crush of other things; I apologize for that. I will add it to my checklist for next year.

I hope someday Readercon can be awesome for you again, and I'm very sorry we are so behind on doing the things necessary for that to happen. I will keep working on it.

Best wishes,
Rose

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 04:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rax.livejournal.com
Thanks for this --- I appreciate it, a lot. If I want to follow up with you privately, should I use email? LJ messages?

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Date: 2012-07-31 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] read-alicia.livejournal.com
If nothing else, it feels really good to get this off my chest.

Perhaps it's my Asperger's or social privilege, but I don't understand what you were protecting by holding this back.

Nonetheless, thank you for sharing. Share often, share more. There should be no shame in it.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sairaali.livejournal.com
There are lots of reasons why a person would choose not to go public, against a group of people who wield status and power, with a story about bullying or harassment. I don't know Rachel's reasons, but other people in similar situations have written about the reasons why they didn't come forward. This is just one example.

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Date: 2012-07-31 03:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sprrwhwk.livejournal.com
Remembering your experience was why I was disappointed but not surprised by the latest incidence of fuckery, and why I've always thought about going but never actually managed. :-/ Thank you for posting this. Maybe if we yell loud enough this time we can effect some change?

Reading this, and not really understanding how Readercon is administered, I am a little confused -- are the concom and the board the same thing?

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 04:44 am (UTC)
rosefox: Green books on library shelves. (Default)
From: [personal profile] rosefox
The concom is about 30 people. It elects the board of 5 from the members of the concom.

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Date: 2012-07-31 04:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calledtovienna.livejournal.com
Wow. This is terrible. Thanks for posting this, and sorry you had a bad experience.

I was just thinking this morning that it would take some resignations for me to consider going; this confirms it.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sprrwhwk.livejournal.com
Unfortunately the person who's resigned so far did so in protest of the Board's decision.

There is a letter to the Board up calling for them to reverse the decision and step down, at 300 signatures and counting.

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Date: 2012-07-31 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inaurolillium.livejournal.com
I don't know you, but even without the whole Rene Walling thing, your story would be enough to make me never want to go to Readercon. I'm cis, but my fiancee is trans, and I don't go places she's not made welcome, for one thing. But I just do not want to attend a con where so many on the committee have that kind of attitude. (No, I don't go to a lot of cons, why do you ask?)

It is utter bullshit to tell people, "Well, if you don't like it, come work to change it!" and then be utterly closed to new ideas.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-07-31 03:12 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] sethg
It is unfortunately a very common form of organizational dysfunction: a cousin to “hey, we need to bring new people into our leadership structure!... as long as they do exactly the same things that the existing leaders are doing”.

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Date: 2012-07-31 08:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saare-snowqueen.livejournal.com
I think it is very right of you to post your experiences now. If Readercon is to be 'fixed' then ALL of the problematic issues should be addressed. There is less point in suffering through a piece-meal eruption and then leaving other equally troubling practices in place to fester. Thank you.
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