Missing Time. Matthew Sweet (from Blue Sky On Mars)
Showed me I am not the only one.
Planted something in my mind,
now I've begun to find
1999. Missing time holds the key, indeed; this departure from the rest of BSOM is the song I turned to when I realized that something was going on in my head and I didn't remember things that, well, other people would remember. Meeting other people who were abused, challenging their experiences, and then realizing what this suggests about your own experience is some powerful shit. Filling in the missing time... is not fun. It is not a fun game. I am sorry if you have ever had to play it. (There are like thirty Matthew Sweet songs I could have put here, but this is one of the most emotionally formative ones for me, so here you go.)
Under Smithville. For Squirrels (from Example)
It's just a
It's a little bit harder just to hold your hand
And round and round and round we go..."
Every year? I can't pick a year this song connects to in particular. It's just. Long-distance relationships. Sometimes they don't work out. Even when they do, they're hard. I have very strong feelings about For Squirrels that I've talked about a bit in the past, but like. I feel genuinely that music would be different today were it not for the For Squirrels accident, and I would have been one of those people who has a favorite band and follows them everywhere and it would have been For Squirrels. I fall in love with bands sometimes (that phase where I listened to nothing but Mother Mother, wow) but no one will ever replace For Squirrels in my heart.
My Own Worst Enemy. Lit (from A Place In The Sun)
I didn't mean to call you that."
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain, you're not alone."
Hajnal. Venetian Snares (from Rossz Csillag Alatt Született)
This little Babe. Benjamin Britten (from A Ceremony Of Carols)
Foes with joy then
Flit not from this
2001, 2004. Children's choir with harp (there's also a pretty good SATB arrangement). Mostly I think pot is a stupid drug that makes me stupid and makes me think everything around me is also stupid, so despite its being legal in a city I visit frequently and having lots of friends who are into it I never partake. However, if there is one thing I find worth doing while high, it is hiding under blankets with Benjamin Britten's Ceremony of Carols on and a flashlight, reading the score as it plays. It's an amazing composition. I picked this song in particular (full lyrics, you should read them) because it is arguably the place where my spirituality, such as it is, overlaps with Christianity. (Also, I direct you to "His arrows: looks of weeping eyes" versus Dessa's "the quiver in my lip is just where I keep my arrows.") I like the Choir of Christ Church Cathedral, Oxford recording better than any I could find on YouTube, but the one I linked was least imperfect.
The Box (Vocal Reprise). Orbital (from the In Sides bonus disc only released in the UK, I'm pretty sure?)
"And you know they'll never find us
And they'll leave us alone
And if we just keep on talking
Then we'll still make it home"
2003. I used to listen to all of The Box, but especially this track, on loop on incredibly high volume while lying on the floor with a black umbrella open covering my face. Goth rax is goth, and ridiculous rax is ridiculous. I still love this song, it's incredible, one of Orbital's best works. One of the singers is Alison Goldfrapp, if you're into that kind of thing. I no longer use music as literal armor against people invading my space, but this track still gets my attention, and it's definitely formative. This influences both the kind of music I like (I can hear a line from here to Wolfgun, actually) and the kind of music I'd like to make. The recording I have has a skip in "trading satellites for substance" from a bad CD rip that I have heard so many times that it almost sounds correct. If you have a high bitrate encoding of this track without errors, please share.
Wrecking Ball. Mother Mother (from O My Heart)
I am a rock on top of the sand
I am a fist amidst the hands
And I made a wreck out of my hand
I made a fist and not a plan
And I break it just because I can"
The Past Is A Grotesque Animal. Of Montreal (from Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?)
who could appreciate George Bataille."
Trying To Find A Balance. Atmosphere (from Seven's Travels)
Because they make most of they moves off of instinct and sense
It's eat, sleep, fuck, and self defense
So straight you can set your clocks and place bets"