rax: (catgirl makeup)
[personal profile] rax
Short version: CATGIRL GOTH RAVE XI, DOORS 9PM, MUSIC 10PM,
address friends-locked Somerville MA, dress goth wear ears,
invite people but ask before inviting mailing lists, yes this is
actually different from the last one give it time, <3 <3 <3

Remember, remember, the Fifth of December [0],
    Catgirls, Glowsticks, and Goth.
No justification why catgirl goth ravin'
    Should ever be forsought. [2]

Long version, entitled:

THE RETURN [3]: A PACK NAMED WOLF TO LOOK AT HE [4]

  or [5]

EVERY ANIMAL IS A PACK, A BAND, [6] A DJ. FACE AWAY FROM EVERY ANIMAL, [7]
THEY'LL NUZZLE YOUR HAND IF THEY REALLY WANT YOUR ATTENTION, OKAY?

  or

A HUGE EVER GROWING PULSATING FURSONA THAT RULES FROM THE CENTRE OF THE
BODY WITHOUT ORGANS [8,9]

  or

ENTERTAINED BUT A BIT AFRAID, [10] OUR PROTAGONIST [11] FINDS A NEW LINE OF FLIGHT [12]

  or

IF THE CAT QUEERS THE FOX/WOLF GENDER BINARY [13] WHAT THE FUCK IS A FOLF [14]
EVEN FOR, AND REALLY WHAT KIND OF WORD EVEN IS FOLF, AT LEAST IT'S BETTER
THAN WOX, [15]  COYWOLVES ARE AN ACTUAL THING THOUGH, GOOGLE IT [16]

  or

WHAT IF THE REAL GENDER/SPECIES BECOMING- WAS THE FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG
THE WAY? [17] MY GENDER IS FRIENDS. NO NOT THE TV SHOW. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T
HAVE NICE THING [18]

  or

WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING
SQUIDS. [19,20] SERIOUSLY STOP TOUCHING THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS, SQUIDS. [21]

  or

WE LIKE TO PARTY. [22] IF YOU CUT OFF THE ENGINE OF THE OLD VENGABUS, A
NEW HEAD GROWS IN ITS PLACE. [23] ENGINE. WHICHEVER. THE VENGABOYS ARE AN
ETERNAL HYDRA. [24]

  or

IF EIGHT-BAR LOOPS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE EIGHT-BAR LOOPS [25]
AND THAT WILL BE UNFORTUNATE BECAUSE EVEN IF IT'S A CHEAP TRICK [26] YOU WON'T
NOTICE IT AS LONG AS I DON'T MASSIVELY OVERDO IT AND WANTING A GOOD DRUM
LINE IS NOT A CRIME (I GUESS MAYBE PUBLIC NUISANCE OR SOME KIND OF NOISE
ORDINANCE BUT THAT'S NOT THE LOOP'S FAULT IT'S AN UNWITTING ACCOMPLICE)

  or

THE FACT THAT I KNOW TO MAKE THIS REFERENCE FILLS YOU WITH DETERMINATION. [27]
HOWEVER YOU CANNOT APPLE-S YOURSELF THIS IS THE GRAND EXPERIMENT. [28]

  or

ONE TWO THREE AND I COME WITH THE FLICKY. [29] STYLE AND YOU KNOW I AM FROM
HAECCEITY. [30] OR AM HAECCEITY?? IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF A QUIDDITY BUT REALLY I
NEVER GROKKED THIS CONCEPT SEND HELP. ALSO. FLICKY WAS A REALLY TERRIBLE
VIDEO GAME WHY DOES IT STILL HAVE SPACE IN MY HEAD??? [31]

  or

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM HOLDING DOWN SHIFT FOR ALL OF THIS AND NOT USING
CAPS LOCK [32] BECAUSE I'M PROUD OF THIS IT'S MY ART [33]

  or

DELEUZE SAYS ANYONE WHO LOVES CATS OR DOGS IS A FOOL. [34] I THINK ACTUALLY
IT WAS TRANSLATED INCORRECTLY AND ANYONE WHO LOVES CATS OR DOGS IS A
FURRY. [35] SORRY. MORE OF YOU ARE FURRIES THAN YOU THOUGHT. THE HELLGONG
WILL BE BUSY ASSIGNING FURSONAS TONIGHT [36]

  or

CATGIRL GOTH RAVE? MORE LIKE CATWHATEVER GOTH RAVE. [37] GENDER IS JUST A
CHEAP TACTIC TO MAKE WEAK CATS STRONGER. [38] FOLLOW YOUR HEART. UNLESS IT
TRIES TO LEAD YOU OFF A CLIFF IN WHICH CASE FOLLOW SOMETHING ELSE. LIVER
MAYBE?? [39] ALSO GENDER IS FINE IF THAT'S HOW YOU ROLL BUT IF I WEAR A DRESS
THIS YEAR IT WILL BE DRAG AND THAT'S CONFUSING [40]

  or

DHOLES ARE BALLER IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT. [41] ALSO I AM NOT SURE HOW THEY
FIT INTO THE FOX/WOLF BINARY. [42] MAYBE BINARIES ARE BULLSHIT. MAYBE SPECIES
WAS NEVER FOREVER [43] GENDER. MAYBE THE REAL GENDER WAS INSIDE US, ALL ALONG, [44]
AND WE ARE KLEIN BOTTLE BODIES ENDLESSLY POURING OUT GENDER ONLY TO POUR
IT BACK INTO OUR "SELVES," [45] WHATEVER A SELF IS, ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE
AN INVITE TO A RAVE OR SOMETHING, JUST COME TO THE FUCKING PARTY

  or

SELECT * FROM TITLES; [46]

  or

FORTUNE SMILES UPON THEE! THOU HAST FOUND THE [47] PART OF THE INVITE WITH
MORE COHERENT DETAILS. IT'S A CATGIRL GOTH RAVE, WHICH MEANS IT'S LIKE
A RAVE BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T USUALLY GO TO RAVES, THERE ARE LIVE
DJS, ONE OF THEM IS ME, THAT PART IS COOL, THERE'S ALSO GOOD PEOPLE
AND CONVERSATIONS AND SOME LIQUOR AND USUALLY SOME ODDLY HANDMADE FOOD
PRODUCT AND YOU SHOULD COME IF YOU'RE ABLE AND WOULD ENJOY IT.

  or

DANGER HAUS IS BOTH DANGER AND A HAUS. [48] IT'S ALSO AT A FRIENDS-LOCKED PLACE.
ON THE SECOND FLOOR. WHICH KIND OF SUCKS IF STAIRS ARE HARD FOR YOU [49]
SORRY BUT THE FOLKS THERE ARE SUPER GENEROUS TO HOST THIS PARTY AGAIN
AND ALSO JUST. KIND OF BALLER???

  or

A LITTLE BIT TALLER??? [50]

  or

HAVING OF GIRLS WHO LOOK GOOD??? EXCEPT THAT POSSESSION OF OTHER PEOPLE
IS SOME BULLSHIT, EXCEPT WHEN IT'S CONSENSUAL, EXCEPT EVEN WHEN IT'S
CONSENSUAL IT'S KINDA HELLA PROBS, [51] WHICH IS HOW WE SAY PROBLEMATIC NOW,
EXCEPT IT ISN'T AND I MADE THAT UP [52]

  or

PS IF YOU WANT TO DJ HELLA HIT ME UP WE'LL MAKE SPACE [53]

  or

YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR AN INVITE, SO I DIDN'T WRITE ONE [54]

  or

WHATEVER. [55]

Hope to see you all there. <3 [56]


[0] November 5th, Observed

[1] Selene helped write this invite and said: ]['

[2] This has been at the beginning of almost every CGR invitation, and
secretly, at this point it's mostly the long game so that next year I
can write "Remember, Remember, The Fifth of November" and then write a
footnote that says "November 5th, Observed" even though it's literally
November 5th already in the intro. PS: Set your calendars because Nov
5 2016 is Catgirl Goth Rave 12 and it's going to be a big one.

[3] The name of a Deltron 3030 track, as well as a reference to the fact
that I've moved back to the Boston area and this is the first time I've
gotten to host a CGR in the city where I live since 2009.

[4] This is a direct quote from the becoming-animal chapter of _A Thousand
Plateaus_ that never gets used for anything and in my opinion that is
a goddamn shame. It is the theme for my primary set this year.

[5] Having multiple titles is, like, a thing? I think first of Rocky
and Bullwinkle but there's a lot of places you could go with it.

[6] More Deleuze and Guattari. I take it to mean that things are not
things in and of themselves, but instead embody archetypical qualities
and community echoes in their being-in-the-world, their always-already [43]
assemblage. [57]

[7] FACE AWAY FROM THE DJ
http://www.thehumphries.org/panel2/The%20Trancecracker!.htm (warning:
contains language I didn't realize was offensive when I fell in love with
it more than a decade ago, and while I still stand by its brilliance,
it is in some ways a problematic fave)

[8] A Huge Ever Growing Pulsating Brain That Rules from the Centre of
the Ultraworld is a track by The Orb. I'm pretty sure it has no words,
just a cool and almost-memorable (I always have to look up the exact
adjective order) track name.

[9] The body without organs is a concept appropriated by Deleuze and
Guattari to suggest an impossible aspirational space in which one is no
longer organ-ized in relation to other things but exists only as a smooth
space of desire. One can argue, and I do, that you can approach this
asymptotically for fleeting moments and that this is worth doing, because
having experienced this dis-organization offers ways to re-organize with
different relationships to the world and to other people. Experiences
that have worked for me include really good live music [58] and subspace
[59]; I suspect we all have access to different lines of flight [12] here.

[10] A line from "The Return" by Deltron 3030.

[11] Who can be you, the reader, or me, or the hypothetical fictional
shard of me who writes these ridiculous fucking party invitations,
or really anyone you want.

[12] Lines of flight are _another_ Deleuzo-Guattarian concept that
basically just means "paths of action." If you've ever played chess or
card games and talked about different "lines" you might take, like,
do you want to apply pressure on the kingside or not, do you want to
cast that spell into open mana or not, lines of flight are like that,
just, with more post-structuralism. And maybe wings? Which are baller.

[13] I wrote a paper about this idea in my first year as a PhD student.
I recently reread it and it's a little brilliant and also terrible.
I'm fine with feeling that way about my past work. The part that's
relevant here is the idea that the cultural line that leads to most
modern furry goes through a lot of fables, Reynard stories, and so
on in which the wolf is the dominant masculine figure who exists in a
complex and gendered (at least, in the sense of Ineluctable Difference)
in opposition to the fox, who is crafty and trickster and in a lower
social position. There's also a bunch of class stuff going on here obvs,
and a lot of the time that was the initial intent, but there's also some
_fasincating_ gender and sexuality shit. [60]

[14] A folf is a fox/wolf hybrid, if you ask some furries. I dated a
folf in high school.

[15] Folf is in fact a better word than wox. This is just a fact.

[16] Seriously. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coywolf

[17] A play on "what if the real X was the friends we made along the way,"
"what if the real X was inside us all along," &c., which is a snowclone
I'm weirdly fond of. I don't think of myself as liking camp but I like
this kind of camp, sort of?

[18] This was a typo, but after thinking about it for a minute, I decided
it was funnier this way.

[19] The refrain of the thwarted Scooby-Doo villain, the reference to
adorabad old cartoons itself referencing the TITLE or TITLE or TITLE
structure.

[20] Also, that squid-based Jet Set Radio sequel everyone's been on about.

[21] I was thinking of Yoshimi, a cuttlefish who used to live in Danger
Haus, and yes, I know those aren't the same thing, but Yoshimi used to
move around between tanks and get into all kinds of shenanigans. [61]

[22] We Like To Party is a song from the 90s by the Vengaboys. A distant
past rax, when backing up his [62] files on a CD-R drive in the nineties,
made the data partition smaller and put songs he didn't like at the
time on the audio track with silent lead time, so that if future rax
went to put the CD in to get data out, after a few minutes, bad music
would start playing unexpectedly. JOKE'S ON YOU FUCKO, I LIKE ALL THOSE
SONGS NOW AND ALSO CDS DON'T EXIST <3

[23] There's this idea (that I spent a couple of minutes searching for
the origin of and couldn't, but it's old, like Hobbes or Locke or one of
those dudes) that if you cut off the head of the sovereign, a new head
will just grow in its place. It's meant more metaphorically, usually,
but you can also use it to suggest why violent revolution often doesn't
do what you wanted it to do; the power vacuum is just filled by some other
organs from the body, and if the body is used to forming a head, it's just
gonna form another head. Or something? There's actually a lot of complex
interpretation and argument you can do about this, and I've done some of
it, and am down to do more, but there's another 40 footnotes or something
ridiculous to go so I'm gonna let this one be done now.  Foucault talks
about this, too, which is probably where I ran into it first.

[24] A hydra grows _two_ heads when you cut one off, and two heads are
better than one. There's not actually anything deeper here. :P Okay, I
lied. There's a conditioner called "Hydra Recharge" that I imagine
cuts off heads. Now there's not actually anything deeper here.

[25] "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns," I guess, but I
was thinking of "If wooden spoons are outlawed, only outlaws will have
wooden spoons," [63] which is much more interesting.

[26] It is kind of a cheap trick. Harder-core DJs than me do much more
interesting things, or at least vary their loops a bit more, which I've
started doing. It's also ubiquitous, though, because it's a _really good_
trick. Also, there's a band named Cheap Trick, and while counting that
as a reference is itself kind of a cheap trick [26], I was thinking of
it at the time, so I'm going to count it. Listen for subtle use of an
eight-bar loop from Cheap Trick this year! Or don't listen for it, since
you should probably be facing away from the DJ.  [7]

[27] UNDERTALE is an incredibly good game, it takes 8-10 hours to play
through a path and a half, and it has changed the way I think about other
media, including random Dessa songs and poetry. At first I thought "that
was good but maybe ultimately not that deep," but it's been steeping in
my head and doing interesting things. The soundtrack is also hella.
Strong recommend.

[28] Lyrics from "The Grand Experiment" by Doomtree that... are undercut
but not comletely invalidated by an Undertale-y reading of the world,
and also suggest that perhaps because our lives do not have save states,
we might not have access to some of the paths the protagonist of Undertale
or some other video game might.

[29] "One Two Three and I come with the Wicked" is an Ice Cube lyric
(also the source of "truck full of nines" which I will occasionally use
to describe uptime or statistical likelihood) and for some reason Alex
and I used to sing the song but with lyrics about the video game Flicky
[31] in college.

[30] Seriously if you understand what a haecceity is, please explain it
to me.  It's related to the stuff in [7] in some way.

[31] Flicky is an incredibly bad videogame for the Sega Genesis. I might
still have the cartridge, despite not having a Sega Genesis.

[32] If caps lock is cruise control for cool, I ride fixed-gear.

[33] Artsy, by the Grouch. ("Because I'm proud of this, it's my art /
you're doing your good just to look the part" presumably, in this case,
by using caps lock.)

[34] Literally. Fuckin' Deleuze.

[35] This is multiply incorrect, in that it is not what Deleuze actually
said (I checked) and it is not a true statement. Sometimes we must bend
the truth in service of inviting people to parties. [64]

[36]
http://bapouro.tumblr.com/post/124875920192/a-dytopian-future-fursonas-can-only-be
(our house NEEDS a hellgong. where do you get a hellgong. I know where
to get regular gongs but. do i have to find a music store in hell???)

[37] Seriously, I appreciate the archetypical power of the catgirl, but
as my community's and my understandings and expressions of gender shift,
I kinda wish my big yearly party didn't have a gendered word in the title.
Perhaps I am my own problematic fave. Maybe I can be yours, too. <3

[38] "Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger," from
Steven Universe, about which I have a bunch of feelings. Gender is not
a cheap tactic but every once in a while it feels like one, and it is
arguably a way to use archetypes and approximations to save cognitive
load in exchange for screwing over people at the margins. :(

[39] I marked this as a reference when drafting this portion of the invite
but I'm not even sure what it was a reference to.  I think maybe "follow
your nose" from a cereal commercial? Or I guess maybe how my liver was
randomly failing and my doctor was like "shrugs it's not hepatitis try not
to die i guess" because my doctor in Tucson was actually kind of terrible?
(It's better now, but that happening is 50-60% of why I stopped drinking,
at least.)

[40] so i might be a boy, which is hilarious, and also really weird.
I'm going to discuss this more in my new year's email, and not here,
but I guess uh. TRANS: THE SECOND QUEST turned out to be on my Zelda
cartridge [65] and I like hard games... [66]

[41] Seriously look up dholes they're like. foxes but differently
awesome and wolves but differently awesome and their name is way better
than folf. [14]

[42] They don't, because the fox/wolf binary is inherently hella
Eurocentric.  I mean if you're looking at furries, who are also hella
Eurocentric, that means it's still a useful tool for analysis, but it's
important to be aware of that huge limitation and, I dunno, mention it
even once in your 15000 word paper on the subject?  *sighs at past rax*

[43] "always already" is a term that I always thought of as coming from
Derrida but it turns out that it originated with Kant and came through
Marx to Heidegger (bluuuh fuck Heidegger that dude's a Nazi tool). It
means mostly what it sounds like. Never forever is the opposite, at
least as I see it, where once you understand that things are not true,
you realize the scaffolding of a bunch of your understanding is bunk
and you just can't see things through that lens anymore.

[44] See [17]. Also a joke on gender arguably being something that we
do versus something that's done to us; is the real gender _actually_
inside us all along, or does it exist in affectual space? [67] I actually
kind of think the latter but while that makes my theory brain happy it
sort of suggests uncomfortable things about how identity works. I'm
still mulling it. Secretly I'm still mulling over all this shit, and
now that I'm un-burning-out from grad school a little bit some of it
is starting to float to the surface and affect the way I interact with
people, the world, and myself. SHIT GETS IN YOUR HEAD YO

[45] MORE AFFECT THEORY MOTHERFUCKER [67]

[46] A SQL [68] command suggesting there's a database of all of these
possible titles and someone just asked to have all of them printed to
the screen, and that constitutes this invite.

[47] Dragon Warrior I: "Fortune smiles upon thee! Thou hast found the
torch." Also features classic lines like "It is dodging!!" Where by
"classic" I mean "one of the few things I remember about being, like,
six."

[48] "The Green Building is neither green nor a building. Discuss." (The
Green Building is a building, which is supposed to be why this joke works
but I've always just found it confusing, because it's a building, and I
feel like understanding this joke would help me in my efforts to pass
Sarcasm School. [70]) Also Sage Francis: "This state is not an ocean,
not an island, not a road" about Rhode Island, which is where I grew up
and a place with which I still have an incredibly complex relationship.
I almost moved there instead.

[49] Since having more friends who dislike stairs I've started noticing:
Wow, parties held in old New England homes are hella fucking inaccessible.
This sucks. But it's not like most of us can afford to do anything
different. :( Complex problems. One friend suggested that having more
accessible event space available reasonably would be a good idea, and
Tucson actually had some of that; it's much harder to do here since
everything's so fuckballs expensive. (And even if I have a party on
the first floor of my house in Weymouth and set up a ramp or whatevs,
you've gotta take the T to a bus to a .7m walk and... yeah. Bluh.)

[50] SKEE LO SKEE LO SKEE LO YOU KNOW // I WISH YOU WERE TALLER //
I WISH YOU WERE A BALLER [71]

[51] I have started liking abbreviations like "probs" or "obvs" but
"apps" still makes me grind my teeth.

[52] I might have absorbed it via osmosis through tumblr's weird
semi-ironic social justice culture that eats itself. Or more accurately,
that is all complex and multivariate and nuanced and shit, but is easier
to distill down to "eats itself" than anything else, and that's not
_never_ true at all, so it feels really easy to say? Either way.

[53] This is somewhat less true at this point though frankly mostly still
true because more music is always good. :)

[54] Seriously, no one got on my case this year. I'm a little
embarassed that that means folks no longer expect Quality Invites from
me. I was pretty fucking depressed for a while there, so, maybe not
surprising? Nonetheless, *OVERCOMPENSATES* have some words motherfuckers

[55] When we were frosh, one of the folks in our year ended every sentence
with "Whatever." We (a bunch of us) tried to convince him to... maybe not
do that? We (mostly me, maybe with an assist from Laura) also tried to
convince him to end every sentence with "Fuck you and your family." This
led to him saying things like "Fuck you and your family. Whatever"
which was really funny at the time for... some reason? Past rax was weird.

[56] I'm not actually in matespritship [72] with all of you. Just... fourish
people? But hearts are also just cute. I heart at lots of people these
days.  Fuckit, I love my friends. Why wouldn't I express that? IF YOU'RE
READING THIS I PROBABLY LOVE YOU DEAL WITH IT

[57] Oh god I have to define assemblage??? Just go back in time and
be at Laura and Peter's wedding where I gave a really good definition
of this where your officiant would otherwise have talked about God
or something???  People seemed to like it. I guess if you ask rax to
officiate your wedding and say "i dunno say some meaningful shit" you
kind of expect me to say some weird shit. This service is... I don't
wanna say _generally_ available because it turns out officiating a
wedding is actually incredibly stressful and intense and I took it way
more seriously than I expected to but, if I like you and you actually
want me to do it I'll probably do it and even enjoy doing so? WATCH
ME NOT ACTUALLY DEFINE ASSEMBLAGE DESPITE THIS FOOTNOTE BEING REALLY
LONG, YEAH!!!!!!!! I am simply the 8est there is. [88]

[58] Usually it's live performances where you get swept up in the energy
and it's ecstatic and loud but. This one time. I was at a Garbage concert
and they were playing random muzak until the band actually came on and
people were talking and drinking and shit and it was super loud and
boring. And then. The Cash cover of Hurt came on. He had just died. The
room went SILENT. Everyone was just immensely present with this song,
soaking it in, rebroadcasting it emotionally, and just. If you listen
to it and really slow down with it it's a tremendous song that speaks
to dark and true things about the desire-space for a living being? And
particularly the ways we reflect those desires back onto ourselves? And
like, it's a Garbage show, so everyone there used to be a goth in high
school or some shit so like. Even though modern Garbage is kinda crass
and trashy we were there in part to hear other music that spoke to some
of those things? And when Hurt ended, no one spoke, and the house dimmed
the lights, and we waited for the show to start for like ten minutes in
silence. I swear to god, you could not have done this on purpose. It
was perfect and beautiful and terrible and I don't know if I'll ever
have another experience like it.

[59] I mean this is waaaaaaaay too large of a distribution list to go into
this in great detail but come on there's gotta be some kind of emotional/
headspacey payoff to the weird sex shit or why wouldn't you just go read
a book I mean seriously.

[60] Okay so there's this one Reynard story where like, Reynard convinces
Ysengrimus's wolf-wife to come to his house and try to eat him, but the
door is too small, so she gets stuck, and then he runs around the back
door and to the front to fuck her while she's stuck in the door? And
her wolf-husband shows up and is all "what the fuck are you doing" and
foxyboi is all "Oh I'm trying to push her through the door, but it's
tight and I'm not very strong, you should help!" so the wolf is like
"okay!" and starts giving it to Reynard from the other end, and like,
I'm pretty sure I've read that furry porn??? But it was done first in
the 1400s??? What the fuck, 1400s. Maybe they made some folfs. [14]

[61] Yes, Yoshimi also battled pink robots. [75]

[62] Use of this pronoun to describe past rax is highly experimental and
not something anyone except me should do at the moment. I am trying it
because I want to and trying it in something big and public so I have a
lot of feelings about it to process in my own head. Don't take this as
saying much about me and, obvs, [51] don't take it as saying _anything_
about how to talk about trans folks in general. <3

[63] A slogan that came out of Paddleboro, in which a sex party in
Attleboro was busted and the fuckers insisted on prosecuting someone
who was consensually hitting someone else with a wooden spoon. Like yes,
if your neighbors are complaining about your sex party you probably made
some decisions, but come the fuck ON, this shit is good for people and
Massachusetts's weird intense Puritan fetish makes the community worse
and more dangerous. [59]

[64] Like in this footnote, where I claim that you need to stretch the
truth to invite people to parties and actually inviting someone to do
something specific at a particular place and time is a great time to
_not_ stretch the truth, thus contradicting the piece of advice which
it itself is.

[65] I forget if it's actually called the Second Quest or Master Quest
canonically but I like the resonances of Second Quest a lot better so I
went with that.

[66] I LIKE GAMES A LOT ps play undertale maybe [27] <3

[67] oh god i have to explain affect theory here??? (That was my
placeholder text while I was drafting this invitation, but it still
describes my attitude now that I'm supposed to do this thing.)  Okay, I'm
gonna give it a shot, borrowing from my incredibly limited understanding
of authors like Massumi and Ahmed. So like. In some sense we exist as
unitary, right? Like, cognition happens individually and not collectively,
we may assemble like organs in a larger body but we're not actually
just a mishmash of single hive-like entity assuming we're not doing that
particular weird furry kink right now? But there's also some component
to cognition or at least emotion that exists _between and among_ people,
empathy exists, there's weird shit going on. The idea behind affect as I
understand it is to be able to talk about that weird shit, what it can do,
how it affects our being as persons as peoples, and maybe a little bit
about where it comes from. You can certainly take this as "BOUNDARIES:
YOU ONLY SORT OF CAN HAS," but I think it's more complicated than that,
like, even in an incredibly affectually charged space you have the
ability to _leave the room_, in most cases. Still, part of why boundaries
are so weird is that yes you _are_ actually overlapping with the people
around you, and some folks have affect that goes all over the damn place
or acts in ways that we don't consider normative, and they're "weird"
in some way we can't pin down, and other folks are really sensitive to
this shit, and other other folks are very well-segmented so that other
folks' affect doesn't muddy up their relationship to the world which is
often useful but sometimes _incredibly_ isolating?? Man I don't know I
dropped out of grad school before I would have gotten good at this part
but the seed of it is still planted in my head, so, if you're curious
about this I can send you books and maybe they'll even be helpful. OH I
WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN RELATION TO GENDER okay so. if gender is a
system of categorization and understanding of ourselves and others, then
part of how we make categorizing decisions is going to be affectual for
people who haven't really shut that out, and part of how we understand
and relate to people is going to be affectual as well. So like. We
talk about passing, sometimes, or _performing_ gender [76], but some
of those things are happening literally outside ourselves, and some of
how we treat other people based on gender is _actually not conscious_
because it's affectual. I don't mean to suggest that like. People walk
around projecting magical pink and blue fields because that's _largely_
preposterous, but some of this stuff is so deeply intertwined with
the societal substrate because it _lives_ in the societal affectual
substrate, IMO.

[68] SQL, or Structured Query Language, is incredibly fucking boring
so I am not going to explain it here. If you ever wanted to talk to
a database, you would use SQL, unless you wanted to talk to a NoSQL
database, but if you are talking to any database, you should really go
make a friend who isn't a database. Talk to me. Say hello. Or HELLO. Or
Hello. Whichever! Just don't say HELLO * FROM RAXES WHERE LOCALITY =
HERE; because I'm not a fucking database I'm a teacup-sized vulpix and
I don't appreciate being talked to that way.

[69] The number 69 table numbers get stolen at every card game tournament.
Usually I roll my eyes. Once the number 69 was on a picture of Ajani
Goldmane, a hunky magical lion man, and I seriously thought about it, but
before I could come back with my bag, someone else had already stolen it.

[70] Sarcasm School: So, I'm not super good at sarcasm, and a lot of the
stuff that people take as me being sarcastic and/or random and/or really
surrealist (like this invite) are actually super literal and have their
own internal logic that is just... idiosyncratic or very domain-specific?
And folks who know me well (Naomi is, like, champion of this) can actually
pick apart all of the references and be like "wow you mixed an Orbital
song with a reference to a specific Erowid trip report with a reference
to _Riddley Walker_ by Russell Hoban with a reference to Bob Dole, both
in his actual persona and in the parody song Bob Dole, Sex Machine"
[73] but I wanted to do this footnoting exercise in part so everyone
could see, like, how my brain works with this stuff? Because yes of course
I am playing with the structure but I _really was thinking about all of this
shit_ while I was writing the initial invite. [74]

[71] You can look this one up yourself if you don't know it, which in
my opinion you really should, it's A Classic, also I had to be contrary
in here _somewhere_ and this is a pretty harmless place to do so

[72] Matespritship is one of the four relationships trolls in Homestuck
[888] can have. Yes, trolls like, a species called trolls, not (just)
jerks. The glib summary is that moirallegiance (diamonds, pale) is like
close friendship only moreso, mutual support, affectionate but not sexual,
auspisticing (clubs, gray) is the weird one where you keep two other
people from killing each other and is mostly interesting metaphorically
outside of this weird-ass webcomic, kismesissitude (spades, pitch) is
"the hatefucking one," and matespritship (hearts, flush) is the closest to
a human romantic relationship as we usually understand them. I feel like
fandom has actually understood matespritship less than the rest of them
because it's much harder to isolate it from things we already (think we)
know about how loving someone works. Thus, I don't have a really deep
personal definition to share here, the way I would for moirallegiance
if I wanted to write one, which I do, but not right now.

[73] Senior House, Steer Roast Skit, 2004, specifically the scene where
Bob Dole stabs the chicken plush with the kitchen knife in a weird mockery
of a weird mockery of a Punch and Judy show.

[74] Oh right I didn't explain Sarcasm School [70]. Tries again. I'm
sometimes good at sarcasm with particular people but I'm often bad
at it and/or take things literally before I think to process them
sarcastically.  I am working on changing this, with Jay's help, which
we're jokingly calling "Sarcasm School" such that instances of people
being sarcastic around me are pop quizzes. I am passing pop quizzes more
often lately and even deploying more sarcasm of my own when I think it's
appropriate! Hooray.

[75] Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots is my favorite Flaming Lips album,
and yes, I promise you I was thinking about the title track as well as the
Yoshimi who used to live at Danger Haus when I wrote the bit about squids,
because I cannot NOT THINK THINGS, even when doing so would be useful.

[76] blah blah Judith Butler blah blah please don't make me do this *hides
under a blanket* GENDER TROUBLE IS PROBLEMATIC BUT IMPORTANT, BUTLER'S
WORK GREW AND SHIFTED LIKE ALL OF US DO, _UNDOING GENDER_ IS REALLY
INTERESTING *nests deeper in blanket* JUST... JUST COME TO THE PARTY
*nervously lashing tails poking out from under the blanket*

[77] Decisions... Were made. After the cops walked through the hall
trying to find me, I made apology calzones for my dormmates. It would
have been perfectly reasonable if the sun hadn't come up while I wasn't
paying attention! (It would not have been perfectly reasonable.)

[88] Oh no, you did it now. You woke up Vriska [88888888] [8888]
and now Vriska's going to explain assemblages. And make me write more
fucking footnotes just about her. You really blew this one. You should
probably stop reading now unless you care about Homestuck and/or don't
mind spoilers. In fact you should definitely stop reading even if those
things are true. I'm sor---

arachnidsGrip: You're not sorry at all!!!!!!!!
arachnidsGrip: You're the one at the key8oard, human.
arachnidsGrip: Or human-animal assem8lage, wh8ever.
arachnidsGrip: For what it's worth, while I have waaaaaaaay 8etter things to do than sit around and read all day,
arachnidsGrip: I've heard that Troll Deleuze and Troll Gu8ari explain assem8lage in schoolfeeding even a human gru8 could understand.

You're not actually going to explain what assemblages are, are you. I
made this whole section of the invite just for you, _specifically so that
you could explain assemblages_. [888888] You haven't even read Deleuze!

arachnidsGrip: Like I said, way 8etter things to do. You don't achieve this level of gr8ness 8y reading lesser troll philosophers. [8888888]
arachnidsGrip: 8ut I did have to listen to Aranea 8lather on and on a8out how cool they were.
arachnidsGrip: Worse, I've had to listen to YOU.
arachnidsGrip: 8luh 8luh 8luh, assem8lages are so gr8, consciousness is a semi-collective endeavor spread out on a metaphorical plane, 8y re-organ-izing ourselves in rel8ion to each other we can explore different modes of 8eing in the world, assem8lage is the process of organization as well as the results of that process as well as the interplay of individual (here's your wriggler-ass haecc8y) consciousness with collective affect.
arachnidsGrip: Yeah, you didn't think I was listening, did you, 8itch. :::;D

Wait, you understand haecceity and I don't? That isn't even remotely fair.

arachnidsGrip: Suuuuuuuuck iiiiiiiit. 
arachnidsGrip: It helps that I've 8een splintered into, like, 8 gazillion 8ullshit timelines 8y what passes for a "Homestuck author." So Vriska-ness is a c8gorical whatness of a troll, a quiddity, and there are many Vriskas out there in paradox space, 8ut my particular Vriskaness, my 8eing-ways that separ8 me from those other chumps, are my haecc8y. I've had to think a8out this awful, terri8le 8ullshit a lot, 8ecause of not having any fucking choice in the matter.
arachnidsGrip: And it has something to do with Deleuze's conception of monads, although if you ask me, or regardless of whether or not you ask me 8ecause I'm telling you, that 8ook is nonsense at the level of Act Six Act Five Intermission Who Gives A Shit????????
arachnidsGrip: No one. No one gives a shit.
arachnidsGrip: And I should know, 8ecause I have allllllll the levels.
arachnidsGrip: All of them.

So do, like, the many haecceity-Vriskas constitute an assemblage? Or
would you all have to exist in the same space and cause some sort of
causality paradox?

arachnidsGrip: Assem8lage is a way of thinking a8out relationships in the world, not a thing that you are or aren't.
arachnidsGrip: 8ut the Vriskassem8lage you're proposing half-heartedly is only interesting inasmuch as we can or cannot do things and manifest changes in the world around us, even if that's only affective space 8ecause of stupid time player hijinks.
arachnidsGrip: Although this conversation on a meta-level suggests that the Vriskassem8lage has the potential, 8y our thinking a8out it and forcing a 8unch of human party wrigglers who didn't stop reading the invit8ion when they should haveto think a8out it, to shift thought patterns and make a difference in the world that way, even if it's otherwise completely hypoth8ical and terri8le.

Are you low-key referencing Karen Barad on me here?

arachnidsGrip: I LEARNED IT FROM YOU!!!!!!!! ::::(

Well, there you go, Vriska explained assemblages. I hope you're happy
you kept reading. I don't know what you possibly expected to learn by
reading this far into the footnotes. There isn't a secret message or
something, it's literally me imagining an extended conversation about
abstruse bullshit with a literal cartoon character. Literally. Go home.
Well, go home right now, but Saturday night, come to Catgirl Goth Rave.
Unless you live at Danger Haus, in which case, I guess, go home. To
Catgirl Goth Rave.

arachnidsGrip: Can I fucking go now????????

I still have to write your other 8-footnotes, spiderbitch.

arachnidsGrip: 8luh.

[888] arachnidsGrip: Homestuck! It's a we8comic a8out ME and how GR8 I am.
arachnidsGrip: Unfortunately, the wriggler who draws it is some kind of creepy horse fetishist.
arachnidsGrip: So I don't recommend reading it.
arachnidsGrip: Apparently some litcrit nerds who weren't too 8usy sucking my 8ulge to actually read the comic finally noticed that it's 8asically a sappy love story a8out me and Terezi.
arachnidsGrip: Don't get me wrong, I have a 8ucketload of feelings a8out that.
arachnidsGrip: Which mostly 8oil down to:
arachnidsGrip: That's four/8ths right!!!!!!!!
arachnidsGrip: It's a sappy love story a8out me filling all of my quadrants in four different timelines, oooooooo8viously. [88888]
arachnidsGrip: Which sucks, 8ecause there should clearly 8e 8 timelines.
arachnidsGrip: Not only is he a creepy horse fetishist 8ut he has terrible taste in num8ers.

[8888] Vriska's favorite number is eight. It's a thing. Oh, good lord
is it a thing.

[88888] the plot is currently stopped on Vriska-who-Terezi-killed/Terezi,
but there's also the Vriska who fought Jack Noir, the Vriska who got the
ring and is now gonna go fuck with Lord English, and obviously that's
going to bifurcate the timeline to make a fourth Vriska. The Homestuck
plot, at this point, makes less sense than this party invit8ion.

[888888] Until the most recent draft, all my notes said was "88 VRISKA
EXPLAINS ASSEMBLAGES," which seemed like a reasonable idea at the time.
I've said that about a lot of unreasonable ideas. This is probably,
but not definitely, more reasonable than the time I threw yogurt at a
building in broad daylight. [77]

[8888888] Deleuze and Guattari can almost certainly be described as
"Troll philosophers" inside or outside of a Homestuck context.

[88888888] Vriska Serket is simply the 8est there is, and that's really
all there is to say on the matter.
<3,

-r.


(no subject)

Date: 2015-11-30 06:05 am (UTC)
sovay: (Cho Hakkai: intelligence)
From: [personal profile] sovay
If this Catgirl Goth Rave lives up to its footnotes in even the slightest degree, it is going to be amazing.

Tumblr Will Eat Itself

Date: 2015-11-30 11:58 am (UTC)
suosikki: (Default)
From: [personal profile] suosikki
Vriska seems to be the Nico of the Homestuck universe.

I will not be at Catgirl Goth Rave, because that weekend I'll be at Bernie Grundman studios learning how mastering is done. Also because broke. I am making my plans to be at the next one yesterday.

Maybe you should keep the name as a kind of continuity with your past self? IDK. I like being a catgirl but a catboy is fine too. <3

I very rarely delve into current-generation games, but I've heard a ton of interesting things about Undertale, so I definitely want to play it at some point! Also, I really want you to play Crusader of Centy (the 1994 Genesis game); it's fairly short and the only JRPG I've ever played with strong animalist and vegan subtext, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, especially the ending.

I'm wondering what the difference is between body-without-organs and egolessness? Or are they different ways of talking about the same thing?

Sometimes we must bend the truth in service of inviting people to parties.

Coming from a scene notorious for getting busted, I can attest to this. :3

I think it's adorable that you played pranks on your future self.

AND ALSO CDS DON'T EXIST

Now this I will not stand for. :P

(no subject)

Date: 2015-12-02 07:03 pm (UTC)
damerell: (brains)
From: [personal profile] damerell
I am, naturally, on another continent, but I have opened three xterms so I can reply, read the announcement, and read the hoofnotes (an imperfect solution since some of them reference other hoofnotes, also because some of them are about Derrida and hence incomprehensible).

I, uh, have fun, sort of thing.

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