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That sure was a tape.
Well, I have lots of new research to pursue because now I know where that whole dead cat nightmare of 2021 got its roots.
Also it looks like we have a tape of THIS disaster, transcribed here: http://whale.to/b/greenbaum.html (do not go to whale.to, it’s another Qanon conspiracy flat earth crackpot website. Oh god why.)
BUT NOT TODAY SATAN(ic cults). Time to relax with some nice lesbian vampire fiction instead!
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Tape Notes: Believe the Children Ritual Abuse panel by Kimball Lanier
The first tape we listened to was the one labeled 3-D “Ritual Abuse: Evaluation & Treatment Strategies for Children and Adolescents,” by Kimball Ladien, M.D., at the Believe the Children First Annual Conference. After having listened to the whole thing, I STILL don't know what year it was made, only that it was probably before 1990, because it mentioned the McMartin preschool case positively. The conference took place in Illinois, probably Chicago, and it mostly seemed to be Illinois people.
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Cursed Memory Wars Tapes
The tapes’ labels identify them as:
• 3-D “Ritual Abuse: Evaluation & Treatment Strategies for Children and Adolescents,” by Kimball Ladien, M.D., at the Believe the Children First Annual Conference
• IVe-383-87 Conversation Hour - Child Abuse and Dissociation (“Summit” added in handwriting; maybe from 1987?)
• C153-20 Treatment of Adult Ritual Abuse Survivors
• 15-234-85 Child Abuse and Dissociation (maybe from 1985?)
• 05-834-93 Psychobiology of Trauma: Current Advances in Research... (by) Bessel A. van der Kolk, M.D. (maybe from 1993?)
• Id-383-87 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociation (maybe from 1987?)
• (handwritten label) Cory Don Hammond - Dr. Green 4th 1992 Conference (side A) C. Hammond on Dr. Greenbaum (side B)
• (handwritten label) C153-21 The Use of Play Therapy with Child & Adult Survivors of Ritual Abuse: V. Graham-Costain Orange CA 1990
• (handwritten label) Seventh Child Abuse Symposium ‘Cults’- Ritualistic Child Abuse 1986 San Jose CA Meeting Lt. Brad Darling, Kern, Co, Co. (two tapes, labeled in such a way that possibly there’s a missing third)
All things in parentheses are my notes. I have no other info about these tapes at this time, and likely won’t til after con this weekend.
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Holiday Cards Unlikely
I will not be sending holiday cards this year if I’m not paid by the end of the month. (If I am paid but there’s potential for another shutdown around Thanksgiving, still not happening.)
Postage alone is around $100 given the number of cards I send.
This seems minor, but it’s a nearly 20-year-old tradition for me.
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How to Be a Werewolf - Now you're going to haul that potato salad an extra hour away

New comic!
Vote over on TWC and you can see a bit of thumbnails!
Follow me on Blue Sky if you're so inclined!
Only one page this week! And one page next week! And then I'm going to close out the chapter with a nice illustration of some kind! And then eventually, I'll post a short side comic about Elias and Vincent! And then eventually, I'll return with Chapter 14 after a much needed break :)
Kitten update! (I'll just make this a feature, I guess.) Two of them are going home today! Things got very exciting on Monday because they all got out of their fucking enclosure while I was still in London, and I had to call in some reinforcements to capture them from my garage loft. My garage needed a deep clean this morning, because I think between them and their mom, there was a lot of stress peeing. I'm hoping that with this break, I can get up in my garage loft and organize shit a little better, and that will help me with the issue of mama cat trying to live up there permanently. I need to catch her and get her spayed still.
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Tote bags, hoodies, tshirts, prints and mugs are all available in the Hivemill store! The hoodies are unisex sizing, but the tshirts run rather fitted, so I recommend sizing up! Book 1 is available in paperback and ebook format, as well as the merch from the Kickstarter :).
HTBAW Fandom Wiki is up and running! Thanks to Myk Streja and ShitaraRen for tons of help with moderation efforts and everyone else who's done a ton of work on adding information and filling out the Wiki. Thank you everyone for contributing and it's an amazing and super detailed resource!
Feel free to check out my goofy Amazon store if you're so inclined, or even if you don't need anything from my shop, just using this link will earn me a small commission from things you buy on Amazon regardless of what it is (this is an ad, as I get a tiny commission if you do buy something)! Thanks to everyone who's come out to support me through Ko-fi and Patreon!
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I'm not related to anyone
Peter Cameron (Robert Carlyle) mans the left-luggage office at Glasgow Central, but in his solitude, his oddity, and the dreamlike circling of his days, he might as well be employed in the outer reaches of Kafka. Ceaselessly surrounded by human movement and direction, he shifts to the other side of his narrow counter to change up the crick in his neck. The clock cuts his hours out in claim tags and skeleton keys, the dip of a paste pot and the closing of his hand on the coins he's dropped as impersonally as a vending machine. His eyes are absorbingly dark, the thinness of his wrists in their rolled uniform sleeves gives him a furtive, vulnerable look from his covert of sports bags and suitcases, taking a mugging, an assignation, arrivals and departures all in. The caustic familiarity with which he can greet a commuter of prior scrutiny, "And where's the redhead? I thought you married her. Did she finally figure you out?" never makes it past the thousand-yard crease in his stoneface that can crumple into real petrifaction if he's caught outside his professional script. The nautical title seems a touch dramatic for the hub of a mainline station, however landlocked, but Peter as he makes himself a precisely arranged cup of tea while listening to the shipping forecast in the office's industrially riveted recesses does have a kind of marine overcast about him, a glass-greenish tint filtering his regulation pigeon-blues, the tea towel's plaid, the leatherette of the Roberts R200 serenely intoning its warnings of gales in Fair Isle and Rockall. When he unlocks and examines the contents of bags in his care, it seems less voyeuristically invasive than quizzically alien, as if trying on the idea of what it means to have a life that can be carried in cross-section anywhere its owner feels like. He always repacks them unnoticeably. It seems a very small existence, but we have no idea if we should even wonder how he feels about it until we learn that he had a clear other choice, one which perhaps ironizes that daily ritual of a brew-up with the Met Office. "Have you been to sea? Nah, I didn't think so. You're the only one that's not been. You're breaking the tradition."
What happens to jolt this recessive character out of his routine naturally involves some illicitly opened left luggage, but much of the pleasure of the small, slant plot that precipitates is how steadily it doesn't even seem to refuse the expected next move, it just stands aside at its own slight angle. It's no twist that a man who lives at such a second hand of other lives will have no defenses when one of them touches him directly, so deer-shocked by the appearance of the black-haired, sad-eyed Claire (Liza Walker) that even before he finds her suitcase filled with the evidence of the end of a bad affair, Peter misses a tongue-tied beat of the transaction, their hands holding the same receipt for such a momentous second that for once he volunteers information he doesn't have to—"I close at half past eleven." Even more than the off-duty sight of him outside the cavernously murmuring habitat of the concourse and climbing the stairs of a grottily sodium-buzzed terrace at that, it is a real shake of the kaleidoscope to have this isolated figure situated suddenly within the ties of a family, especially a brother as big and blond and laddish as the sometime merchant seaman Craig (Stevan Rimkus), boasting of his girls and their tricks while the slight, silent shadow of his sibling holds so still that his pulse can be seen hollowing the side of his throat. "I jumped ship in Port Elizabeth . . . I owe some guys rather a lot of money. Can you help me?" A tighter, more conventionally triangulated narrative could make more of these tensions, like the snapshot memento of a happier Claire wrapped playfully around a denim-jacketed Craig that queries her unfamiliarity to Peter. Marooned lets its uncertainties lie between characters who know their own histories and turns its attention instead to the consequences that skitter off more obliquely, as riskily compassionate as enclosing a first-ever note for a fragile passenger or as heedless as slamming into a fight that wasn't expecting a mad little coathanger of a man that can't normally get three words in order, never mind a crowbar. Afterward he looks just as worried as ever, flattening himself around a seedily lit kitchen on just the wrong trajectory to avoid the other person in it. If he's peeling himself off the sidelines of the life he has always screened through timetables and sea areas, stories observed in fragments or construed from odd socks and bottles of scent, he may not be much less awkward when he gets there. Where? Standing on the deck of the ferry Juno, wiping the windblown curtains of his dark hair out of his eyes as the firth and the fog churn past almost the same sea-sanded steel-blue, he's already difficult to picture fitting as neatly behind his anonymous counter as the first time we saw him folded there, consolations of the shipping forecast or no. In the end, the hardest thing he may have to do—or the easiest, when he finally sees it—is take his own advice.
Marooned was written by Dennis McKay, directed by Jonas Grimås, and BAFTA-nominated for Best Short Film in its year, which it would have deserved: it does not feel in 20 minutes like a sketch or a slice but an elusive, immersive hinge of time where we don't need the details of the past filled in to understand the weight of what has happened in the last few days. Dialogue-wise, it's nearly silent, but it's shot by Seamus McGarvey with such an Eastmancolor-soaked combination of cinéma vérité and slow-tracked tableaux that it has the intimacy of a photo album and something of the same selective quality of time, too, edited by David Gamble as if we had to be there to find out what happened between the snaps. Occasionally it reminded me of the short fiction of M. John Harrison and not only for the late sequence where nothing more than an ear-filling hum on the soundtrack, a splutter of tea, and a pair of stares that seem to meet through the fourth wall, one somber, one shocked, confirms a fact like a folktale. The score was composed and partly performed by Stephen Warbeck and it is minimal, modern—accordion, saxophone, bass—not hopelessly sad. Much of the rest of the sound design was contributed by Glasgow Central. I found it on Vimeo and was unable to get it out of my head. It looks at almost nothing straight on, which doesn't mean not deeply. So much of it happens in Carlyle's eyes, so dark and soulful that in another kind of Scottish story, they would clinch him as a seal. "I forgot about you for three whole hours yesterday, but then it started raining and you were back in the front of my mind." This relation brought to you by my only backers at Patreon.
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Goodbye Wizard RawBlood...
You and the large dog escaped from the dungeon with 100557 points, the amulet of Yendor (worth 5000 Zorkmids), a garnet stone (worth 700 Zorkmids), 1 worthless piece of colored glass, and 1112 pieces of gold, after 19727 moves. You were level 14 with a maximum of 112 hit points when you escaped.
Hit return to continue:
Rawlin: A little past midnight, on October 15, 2025, I did it. I made it to level 40 (Hell) safely, tamed the Hell Hound with treats (Mori: didn’t know you could do that! We didn’t have to fight him at all, renamed him Good Hellhound) and when the Wizard of Yendor made himself invisible and began teleporting through levels, I decided to hell with it and used my painfully obtained wand of wishing to wish for a dead floating eye (Mori: didn’t know you could safely do that either), ate it, and then wished for three potions of blindness. After that, I quaffed both it and a potion of speed, and one or two hits at a time, I whittled him down and finally defeated him.
I used my final wish for three tripe rations, whereupon I climbed up through the dungeons until I returned to Level 9, where I had left my original pet dog for safekeeping. (It is impossible in hack103 for your dog to follow you all the way to Hell and back.) once little, the dog was now large and feral. I gave my dog treats and then we went home together, one level at a time.
I am pleased at my win.
Mori: by the end of the game, dragons were RUNNING from her! Didn’t know that was possible either! Good game, sugarcane.
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some good things make a post
- did eventually get myself out to the plot (after aborting the first attempt and going back to bed when I realised I'd made it almost to the main road without my bike helmet). successfully acquired More Saffron.
- cooked a lot of beetroot, most of which I grew, for dinner -- one of the books I acquired from Oxfam just for interest, The Modern Vegetarian, has a "textures of beetroot": keftedes, tzatziki, a bulgur pilaf and a salad using the greens. I had a mix of colours, and the ombre gold-to-pink were very pretty in the salad. (and picking over the leaves very, very carefully yielded a tiny snail! who is now in the viv.)
- I am continuing very slowly on the mend from the probably-a-cold from nearly a month ago: today I didn't get any active minutes walking up and down inside the house to hit step goal.
- the post brought Fancy Chocolate. even some of it is Fancy Chocolate in my preferred flavour of same!
- I have somehow achieved having my accounts almost agree with reality about how much cash is in my wallet! and I think I've found the remains of at least one Missing Receipt in the back pocket of a set of trousers, which does at least provide an explanation. it is very satisfying when I actually manage this.
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LB autobio: Rage Against the Regime
Series: LB autobio
Summary: Biff rages out over politics, beats the shit out of a headspace wall, and then goes on a fetch quest to blow off steam.
Word Count: 1800
Notes: Winner of the fan poll this month! If you want to support writing like this (and have your votes count double!), check out our LiberaPay or Patreon! The book referenced is Burnout: the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski. Content warnings for consensual sex and the American political everything.
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You are a case of the vapours
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Rawlin fights a dragon
We each have our preferred Hack classes. Rawlin likes the wizard.
( Eating monsters, fighting dragons. We need a hack103 tag. )
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And we're on the right side of the ground where they bury the bones
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vital functions
Reading. ( Brosh, Woodin, Saunders, Stocks, Duncan )
Watching. Another Farscape, while bleaching A this morning. ( Read more... )
Playing. The Tukoni: Forest Keepers demo. Once again a very soothing delight: potter gently about making other forest creatures happy, in a setting of gorgeous art. Exactly what our frazzled nerves needed.
Quite a bit of Fluxx.
Cooking. A butternut squash and quince stew with pipián, courtesy of the Wahaca cookbook.
Eating. A picnic of misc takeaway from Hammersmith station complex on Saturday afternoon! Ben's Cookies! Strawberries! Pizza Express this evening because No!
Exploring. The Autumn London Pen Show, where I spent only the planned amount of money on the planned thing and was delighted with the outcome. :) Little bit of a poke around Hammersmith followed by the Westfield centre thereafter.
Growing. Spinach! So much spinach! I am starting to harvest it. I am very pleased by this. And of course SAFFRON of which there has been LOTS (i.e. I might have enough home-grown saffron to make one or possibly two recipes, which is vastly more than I've ever had before and Extremely Exciting).
Observing. The bat! Possibly even two of them this evening, definitely not gone to sleep yet.
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Now I feel like Kafka with a bad migraine
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[stationery] ... oh NO I love it
Went to the Autumn London Pen Show! Got the Lamy 2000 EF nib ground down to a needlepoint by Thomas Ang! Did not properly notice until settling in to play with it properly that it's got this amazing slightly stubbish character to it! And he also tweaked my Platinum UEF nib to be slightly less Horrendously Dry (which had somehow not occurred to me as a solution), and... having now settled down for a bit more writing for the evening, I think I might actually really like having two UEF/needlepoint nibs to use different colours of ink in.
The idea was to reduce the number of pens in regular use by dint of retiring the Platinum, not increase it. Oh no.
Some other things! The Rudi Rother Pelikan is even prettier in person; I still do not get the appeal of Leonardos (though to be fair I think my sense of their general appeal is massively skewed by That One Very Active Person who thinks they're The Most Beautiful Pens In All The World); the Visconti Van Gogh series do not impress me any more in person than they do in photographs; next time I can justify buying another TN insert The Inked Paw are delightful and we had an excellent chat and Trying Each Other's Pens while I was in Thomas Ang's queue (and they slightly discombobulated me by asking me if I had an Instagram when I flipped through my notebook to show what I use the UEF for...)
... yeah no I am just absolutely delighted by this ridiculous pen, EXCELLENT outing + date activity, Ben's Cookies also successfully acquired, Very Happy.