First: It's perfectly fine for you to not support my desires. That's cool. I'm presenting them as requests, not insistence, with a statement that if people can't meet these requests, I may not be as close to them. I'm going to completely leave alone your weird criminal analogy because like. What? And be very clear about something.
There are people I don't associate with because I think they spread rape culture; those people enable rape apologism, lean on rape unnecessarily for humor value, take cultural artifacts of rape culture at face value. I don't think you should avoid X because X spreads "rape culture." I think you should avoid X --- I am asking you to avoid X --- because X. SPREADS. RAPE. Because when I was getting together with X, someone warned me "hey, X is sexually coercive," and I didn't take them seriously, and wow, I ended up sexually coerced by X. I'd rather that not happen to anyone, and I know I can't stop it. Only X can stop it. But I can warn my friends, so I do.
X is free to seek forgiveness from whoever they'd like that isn't me. If you forgive them, if you think they're doing better, great. I want few things more than for them to stop hurting other people and themself. Frankly, if they've got that dialed, great. I still want them to have it dialed as far away from me and my friends as possible, because they make me twitchy and they're dangerous and I don't trust them to have fixed all of those things because of the repeated ways they violated my trust in them over the course of our relationship. You don't have to have the same opinions as I do; that's fine. But good lord, don't come into my space and tell me how I should be relating to my rapist.
This is not the first time that you have excused the boundary-crossing behavior of people close to you when they did not respect my sexual boundaries. If you wish me the very best, please make it the last.
no subject
First: It's perfectly fine for you to not support my desires. That's cool. I'm presenting them as requests, not insistence, with a statement that if people can't meet these requests, I may not be as close to them. I'm going to completely leave alone your weird criminal analogy because like. What? And be very clear about something.
There are people I don't associate with because I think they spread rape culture; those people enable rape apologism, lean on rape unnecessarily for humor value, take cultural artifacts of rape culture at face value. I don't think you should avoid X because X spreads "rape culture." I think you should avoid X --- I am asking you to avoid X --- because X. SPREADS. RAPE. Because when I was getting together with X, someone warned me "hey, X is sexually coercive," and I didn't take them seriously, and wow, I ended up sexually coerced by X. I'd rather that not happen to anyone, and I know I can't stop it. Only X can stop it. But I can warn my friends, so I do.
X is free to seek forgiveness from whoever they'd like that isn't me. If you forgive them, if you think they're doing better, great. I want few things more than for them to stop hurting other people and themself. Frankly, if they've got that dialed, great. I still want them to have it dialed as far away from me and my friends as possible, because they make me twitchy and they're dangerous and I don't trust them to have fixed all of those things because of the repeated ways they violated my trust in them over the course of our relationship. You don't have to have the same opinions as I do; that's fine. But good lord, don't come into my space and tell me how I should be relating to my rapist.
This is not the first time that you have excused the boundary-crossing behavior of people close to you when they did not respect my sexual boundaries. If you wish me the very best, please make it the last.