First off, I am so sorry for getting you involved in my insanity last year. I don't know whether an apology at this late point is worthwhile, but I do feel one is owed to everyone caught up in my derangement.
Against the notion that foxes are subhuman, I think that being a fox is a way of ensuring that I am at least an animal. The ability to identify, and then seek to satisfy, one's own needs is what I consider "animal", and even that is difficult. Sometimes difficult to the point of impossible, for me. Meanwhile, the category "human" just seems hollow, there to be filled with whatever virtues and capacities one wants.
I don't think about it in this light very often, but being a fox does tie in to my own history of abuse. The discovery came earlier, but the foxhood never did have to be abandoned, as other things did. In particular, it stays with me that foxes have such a vivid look, and such discordant, cacophonous calls. That matches the times when I feel... pretty but broken, I suppose. Pleasing to one sense, horrible to another.
That's all I can articulate at the moment. I hope things are going well for you.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2013-09-09 09:14 am (UTC)First off, I am so sorry for getting you involved in my insanity last year. I don't know whether an apology at this late point is worthwhile, but I do feel one is owed to everyone caught up in my derangement.
Against the notion that foxes are subhuman, I think that being a fox is a way of ensuring that I am at least an animal. The ability to identify, and then seek to satisfy, one's own needs is what I consider "animal", and even that is difficult. Sometimes difficult to the point of impossible, for me. Meanwhile, the category "human" just seems hollow, there to be filled with whatever virtues and capacities one wants.
I don't think about it in this light very often, but being a fox does tie in to my own history of abuse. The discovery came earlier, but the foxhood never did have to be abandoned, as other things did. In particular, it stays with me that foxes have such a vivid look, and such discordant, cacophonous calls. That matches the times when I feel... pretty but broken, I suppose. Pleasing to one sense, horrible to another.
That's all I can articulate at the moment. I hope things are going well for you.