In addition to cons specifically, you may want a heads up if X appears at any event, especially a regular (even annual) event, that you are likely to attend and/or others know you are planning to attend. Parties, etc. Reading this, it seems to me to be important to not let X take cons or other gatherings of value away from you (but I understand the fear of a casual run-in, especially since so many cons are poorly-managed, socially and sexually).
I do in fact think it is fair to ask your friends, especially close ones, not to be friends or have contact with X. I understand the complexity of this sort of situation but I do not think it is appropriate to try and still be friendly to someone who has raped someone you care about. Shunning is effective even in small doses, your people should have your back, and rapists are assholes. (In all seriousness, it is my belief that people who want to hedge their bets and retain relationships with both you and X are setting up social conditions under which assault might happen to other people. This worries me even though I don't know you terribly well and have zero idea who X is.)
I would encourage you to consider whether or not this country's fucked-up justice system could be strategically applied in any way here, with the caveat that said system is pretty well fucked and may not give you the consideration you deserve.
I send gentle hugs if they are welcome, and supportive thoughts in general. I may not know you all that well but you seem pretty rad to me.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-21 06:14 am (UTC)I do in fact think it is fair to ask your friends, especially close ones, not to be friends or have contact with X. I understand the complexity of this sort of situation but I do not think it is appropriate to try and still be friendly to someone who has raped someone you care about. Shunning is effective even in small doses, your people should have your back, and rapists are assholes. (In all seriousness, it is my belief that people who want to hedge their bets and retain relationships with both you and X are setting up social conditions under which assault might happen to other people. This worries me even though I don't know you terribly well and have zero idea who X is.)
I would encourage you to consider whether or not this country's fucked-up justice system could be strategically applied in any way here, with the caveat that said system is pretty well fucked and may not give you the consideration you deserve.
I send gentle hugs if they are welcome, and supportive thoughts in general. I may not know you all that well but you seem pretty rad to me.