After I read the responses to my comment, I called a good friend to ask for perspective. Was I in the wrong, or were those who replied? A little of both, that person noted.
We talked about the trauma theory that gaudior has mentioned, though not in those words. I had not been aware of the fight, flight, or flee reaction, though now it makes perfect sense, especially as I have been hit in the past, right before which I became perfectly still, hoping that my attacker would lose interest. Rape is more serious and harmful than any physical attack I've experienced, so I can understand that the freeze reaction would be that much stronger in such a case.
Even before the aforementioned conversation, I did not mean to belittle you or your experience or recriminate any victim of sexual assault. I have no doubt that your experience was horrible. I'm sorry to have given the impression that I didn't care.
I meant to say two things, namely that we don't have enough terminology to differentiate between different types of sexual assault, that calling everything that goes wrong between two people in a sexual context rape is too general; and that misunderstandings take two people, not one -- both (or more) participants in any sexual situation need to be made able to communicate before the fact. Regretfully, that doesn't always happen, but even so blame shouldn't be assigned 100% on any party.
My terminology may be flawed; I admit that. I'm not sure there shouldn't be a different term for what you experienced than "rape," but since there isn't, then yes, you were raped.
However, I do not appreciate your attempt to turn a theoretical discussion into an emotion- and event-based one.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
regna
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-18 07:01 pm (UTC)We talked about the trauma theory that
Even before the aforementioned conversation, I did not mean to belittle you or your experience or recriminate any victim of sexual assault. I have no doubt that your experience was horrible. I'm sorry to have given the impression that I didn't care.
I meant to say two things, namely that we don't have enough terminology to differentiate between different types of sexual assault, that calling everything that goes wrong between two people in a sexual context rape is too general; and that misunderstandings take two people, not one -- both (or more) participants in any sexual situation need to be made able to communicate before the fact. Regretfully, that doesn't always happen, but even so blame shouldn't be assigned 100% on any party.
My terminology may be flawed; I admit that. I'm not sure there shouldn't be a different term for what you experienced than "rape," but since there isn't, then yes, you were raped.
However, I do not appreciate your attempt to turn a theoretical discussion into an emotion- and event-based one.