This has been a really interesting conversation. Thank you.
Instincts is one of the places where things start to get complex, I think, because there is a great deal of social pressure to not listen to them. I think most of that is related to expectations about polite society and not making a big deal out of things. I also think that we get inured to listening to gut instincts because most of the time nothing bad happens.
(On the other hand, if I'd listened to my instincts I'd never have dated my first boyfriend, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing. I mean, nothing really bad happened, but he was obsessive and pushy and I most certainly wouldn't date him again.)
I think it would be very good if we did listen to our instincts more, and I think I've been able to more as I've gotten older, but I do still feel social pressure to not listen to them sometimes in situations where I've decided that the discomfort I'm already feeling is better than the possible discomfort of doing something socially improper where I don't know what the consequences are going to be. So far this has worked out OK, but it is a risk.
Example: I went to a class on bondage with a friend and her boyfriend. I didn't have a partner and so I partnered with someone else who was there on their own. I felt a little uncomfortable about this, especially when he started to insist that I smile more, but kept working with him because I didn't want to not work with anyone and couldn't think of any better solution.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-19 12:01 am (UTC)Instincts is one of the places where things start to get complex, I think, because there is a great deal of social pressure to not listen to them. I think most of that is related to expectations about polite society and not making a big deal out of things. I also think that we get inured to listening to gut instincts because most of the time nothing bad happens.
(On the other hand, if I'd listened to my instincts I'd never have dated my first boyfriend, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing. I mean, nothing really bad happened, but he was obsessive and pushy and I most certainly wouldn't date him again.)
I think it would be very good if we did listen to our instincts more, and I think I've been able to more as I've gotten older, but I do still feel social pressure to not listen to them sometimes in situations where I've decided that the discomfort I'm already feeling is better than the possible discomfort of doing something socially improper where I don't know what the consequences are going to be. So far this has worked out OK, but it is a risk.
Example: I went to a class on bondage with a friend and her boyfriend. I didn't have a partner and so I partnered with someone else who was there on their own. I felt a little uncomfortable about this, especially when he started to insist that I smile more, but kept working with him because I didn't want to not work with anyone and couldn't think of any better solution.